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Once upon a time in the Gr33n4blu3 household many moons ago….

Mrs. Gr33n4blu3 was busy vacuuming the family room floor underneath her husband’s outstretched legs as he was busy keeping the couch anchored to the floor. As she carefully lifted her husband’s feet to suck up the potato chips that he had *accidentally* deposited on the floor, all of a sudden her Hoover Whirlwind vacuum began to cough and spasm! The motor was dying in its eighth year of life! She frantically cracked open the casing and tried to resuscitate the motor by hand as her husband adjusted the volume so that the neighbors could hear his favorite movie, The Room by Tommy Wiseau.

Alas, it was no use. The mighty Hoover was dead, much like its inventor, J. Edgar Hoover of the FBI. Little known fact, while “undercover” in drag, Hoover adopted the traditional gender roles of the time and used a vacuum that he had modified to drown out the noise of his spy equipment – I mean, hey, it was the olden days, way back in the early 17th century.

With defeat heavy on her brow Mrs. Gr33n4blu3 told her husband, “It looks like we need a new vacuum.” Her husband grunted with approval. She glared at him and his half hearted response. “If you want me to clean this room you need to get me a new vacuum – or else you can clean it yourself!”

Many months passed until one day Gr33n4blu3 could no longer loaf on the couch after a hard day spent collecting tolls. Dust, food, cat hair, dirt and filth were everywhere! Not only was navigation impossible, but the couch was no longer discernable from the rest of the trash pit. A sinking fear gripped his heart as he realized the options before him…

Option one: Grab a broom and dustpan and start cleaning. This was not an option. Not only were the mechanics of operating a broom a complete mystery to Gr33n4blu3, but the odds were that he would only make the situation worse.

Option two: Buy Mrs. Gr33n4blu3 a vacuum and hope that she would save the day (yet again).

Thinking the task was easy, Gr33n4blu3 plopped down on the dining room floor and set to work on researching vacuums online. Big mistake! Many hours were spent only to discover that “vaccum” was not the correct spelling of vacuum. Another few hours were wasted viewing cat vacuuming videos on YouTube.

Finally Gr33n4blu3 had narrowed the criterion for purchase down to the following:

1. Must be cheap, preferably less than the cost of a 17″ HP Pavilion dv7 Laptop with an Intel(R) Core(TM)2 Duo CPU P7350 @2.00GHz. 4 GB RAM (w/MS VISTA).

2. Must be quiet, so as not to interrupt television viewing.

3. Must be light, so that Mrs. Gr33n4blu3 does not complain about being sore the next day.

Well… two out of three ain’t bad. Gr33n4blu3 had always been aware of the vacuums his family had owned (someone had to make the suck jokes). Because of past experiences, Hoover was out. Not only was it expensive, heavy, and difficult to maintain, but storage was a problem as the units are very bulky. Kenmore’s have been a little more reliable, but weight and price were the knock out factors.

All that was left was to explore the European canister vacuums. Look around the chat boards (they do exist for vacuums!) and one name stands out – Miele. Weighing in at between 10 and 14 pounds, the Miele S2— and S4— models are light enough to carry around comfortably, but not light enough to throw at the husband in a fit of rage. The next point is how quietly it operates – Gr33n4blu3 can comfortably hear the television while the vacuum is operating on full power. And like the advertisements indicate, hearing the phone ring is no problem. The hose connects to the canister, so storage is easy and compact. The final point, the price, was a bit tougher to negotiate. Ultimately it did cost much less than the HP Laptop ($1,600), but the question remains – is it worth the cost?

In an answer to that question consider this: Gr33n4blu3′s wrote this review comfortably seated on his clean couch while his wife was happily vacuuming in the background.

The Miele Delphi box was mounted on his wall as a trophy of his accomplishment.

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Bonus: Gr33n4blu3 jr keeps asking mommy to vacuum – way to go son!
Rating: 5 / 5